´ Steel Curtain Rising: Steelers to Resign Dan Sepulveda Next?

Friday, October 11, 2013

Steelers to Resign Dan Sepulveda Next?

First it was Jonathan Dwyer, then it was Stevenson Sylvester, and now Will Allen! La Toalla Terrible was on the scene at the South Side to investigate the “Revolving Door Phase of the Roethlisberger Era.”

While there he ran in to Steelers General Manager Cevin Kolbert and seemly stumbled on another great story while perhaps creating a third one of his own.

La Toalla asked the erstwhile General Manager, “Hey, what’s the deal with you giving these guys pink slips only to turn around with the welcome mat.”

  • “Ah, it all comes down the record in this business,” Kolbert confided.
“So the 0-4 record gives us the ole ‘desperate measures for desperate measures’ routine?” continued the inquiry.
  • “0-4? Of course not. We made these moves because we wanted to avoid going 0-4!” contorted Kolbert.
“…Um… Cevin isn’t it kind of late for that? Aren’t Allen and Sylvester returning to an 0-4 team?” La Toalla suggested.

“Oh, Will and Stevenson? No, no it’s not about them. It all started when we lost Ryan,” continued Cevin.
  • “What! The Steelers are going to cut Ryan Clark?!” the Toalla wondered aloud thinking he’d stumbled on the Steelers scoop of the century.
“No, no, not Ryan Clark! Ryan Muundy” Kolbert corrected.

Ryan Mundy? Ryan Mundy?” La Toalla quized.

“Yes, when we lost Ryan Mundy, I said to Ron ‘You know, that makes the 2008 Draft Class a total wash. I could get fired for a draft like that.’ And you know how Ron responded? ‘Cevin, drafts like this did get me fired in Detroit” Kolbert revealed.
  • “Nice. But what’s that got to do with Sylvester Allen?” La Toalla insisted.
“You still don’t get it, do you? We did some brain storming, and realized that while we can’t salvage the ’08 draft, the ’07 draft was another question. And viola! Matt Spaeth and William Gay. Now what do you think of that?” Kolbert questioned.

“So, what your saying is that if Zoltan Mesko doesn’t pick up his punting, we can expect a Daniel Sepulveda sighting on the South Side?” La Toalla suggested. 

At that, the Steelers General Manager’s eyebrows elevated. His lips locked, as he starred downward, and slowly nodded his head. Then suddenly snatched his cellphone….
  • Only to learn the battery was dead!
“These damm things never hold a charge” Kolbert claimed, as he dashed off in search of the nearest land line…
Welcome to the world of La Toalla Terrible (that's "Terrible Towel" in Spanish) who takes occasional looks at the bizzaro side of all things Steelers. Click here for more of La Toalla's rantings and ravings. 

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